Talking to youth about grief and suicide: expert advice for parents

Discussing death is never easy, but when it comes to supporting a child or teenager through grief, the challenge can feel even greater.

Registered psychotherapist Colleen Mousseau, who specializes in grief support, offers insights for parents and caregivers on navigating these conversations.

“Grief looks so different depending on the person, depending on their relationship with the person who died, depending on their kind of styles for coping,” she explains.

Mousseau emphasizes the importance of recognizing that every individual copes differently.

From emotional outbursts to private reflection, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve — provided it doesn’t involve harm to oneself or others.

“Some people are quite expressive and want and need to talk about it,” she explains.

“Others are a bit more intuitive or internal in that they need to do something with it, but more in private, before being able to connect with others.”

When discussing grief with youth, Mousseau encourages parents to account for these differences.

“I always want to create this space for grief to be a very individual and highly personal experience, all while making sure that there's resources and people that can be talked with,” she says.

Supporting youth through collective grief

When a loss affects an entire community — such as the death of a classmate or peer — it can add another layer of difficulty.

“When there's a collective grief experience among a group of young people, that can also be really destabilizing because maybe the person that you would normally lean on is going through it too,” Mousseau says.

This is where ongoing, open communication becomes essential.

“Those initial waves of shock can wear off,” she explains.

“And then it's sort of this loneliness of like trying to navigate it alone.

“[Tell them:] You don't have to do it alone. I'm just going to keep checking in. Even if you get annoyed, I’m just going to keep checking in.”

Navigating grief after suicide

The grief that follows a death by suicide often carries its own complexities, particularly for young people.

“There seems to be something very unique about grief when the death has been by suicide,” says Mousseau.

“And a lot of that seems to come down to a bit of a replay of interactions leading up to the person's death.”

Feelings of guilt are especially common in these situations.

“I would unpack that a little bit more with a teenager, for example, to say, I bet that guilty feeling is making it really hard for you to even connect with reality right now.

“And that guilty feeling can come from a place of an unmet wish that you could have done something to prevent this. So naming that and waiting for a response to say yes or no.”

Youth often struggle with unanswerable questions: What could I have done? Were there signs? Could I have prevented this?

“Often we're afraid to go there because we don't know how to answer the next question, which is why,” Mousseau says.

“And so when we're able to leave room for that, wondering together that we don't always know why.”

She emphasizes the importance of helping young people unburden themselves from feelings of guilt.

“The reality is there are so many factors that contribute to one person dying by suicide that cannot possibly fall on the shoulders of any other one person.”

How parents can help

For parents and caregivers, being present and available is key. Even if you don’t have all the answers, showing up and offering support can make all the difference.

“Do you need time together? Do you need time alone? Do you want to talk about it now? If not now, I'm going to keep checking in,” Mousseau suggests.

“You can keep kicking me out of your room if you need to, but I'm showing up because I care.”

She also recommends involving resources when appropriate, whether that’s a school counselor or a professional therapist.

Finding the right therapist can take time, she says, and that’s okay.

“It’s not a one-time conversation,” Mousseau reminds.

“Keep checking in because we don’t know how it’s all going to feel.”

Suicide prevention

Mousseau stresses that open conversations about suicide can save lives.

“In terms of suicide prevention, that is the very thing that will help keep other people alive — knowing that we can talk about thoughts of suicide,” she says.

By creating a safe and supportive environment, you can help young people navigate their grief and remind them they are not alone.

If you or someone you know is struggling, help is available.

There are countless judgment-free ways to reach out in Canada, including talking to your family doctor or visiting your local hospital’s emergency department.

You can also call or text Canada’s Suicide Crisis Helpline 24/7 at 988.